4
It was then that I realized how much time I wasted with worry and fear. I went, tearfully, humbly, and repentant to my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! How could you put up with me for so long? Why didn’t you ever say anything?” His reply? “Because I love you.”
Because I Love You
I wasted too many years. Plain and simple, I just wasted them. Having grown up in a very controlling, intimidating home, I grew up being a scaredy cat. I couldn’t do anything right, yet everything was my fault, yet I never knew exactly what I did that made my family so mad! I lived in constant fear of making someone mad at me. When I married my husband, I just slid him into the role my family played in my mental and emotional state. I automatically thought that he would be the same way. He was not, is not, and never has been, yet I did not realize that.
I didn’t realize it until God healed me…twenty-nine years later. Why did it take so long? Why didn’t God just “zap” me into healing right then and there? I wasn’t ready. I had to get to a place where I knew what was causing my continual fear, anxiety, panic, and depression. I had to get to a place where I knew I had been mentally and emotionally manipulated and intimidated into being controlled. The sad thing is…I was blindsided. I actually thought this was normal, yet somehow wondering how it could be so. Talk about confusion.
You see, even though I had trusted Jesus to save me thirty years beforehand, I had no idea that God had big plans for me. I didn’t know that He had prepared me for, and instilled in me some great things. I still feared the people who raised me, the people whom I was supposed to be able to trust with my very life. I feared they would not approve of my life change. I even feared other people, that they wouldn’t approve. I lived in a constant state of fear and intimidation.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. ~Ephesians 2:10
But I had my priorities backwards. I loved my husband, still do, but I was still afraid to step out into our married life together for fear of what my family would say or do. Oh, my family allowed me to marry. But I couldn’t leave. I was living in a real-life “Hotel California” situation; “You can check out any time you like… but you can never leave!” I was living in continual intimidation, and that is not real living.
God didn’t want me to stay that way though. Instead, He gave me a loving, understanding, supportive husband. God instilled in him all the patience and love that I needed to help me to grow and learn, to get me to the place where my light bulb came on and I realized, “Hey! I want to be healed!” The night that happened there was a shift in my existence. God became more real, He became more of my life, and He turned me completely around.
It was then that I realized how much time I wasted with worry and fear. I went, tearfully, humbly, and repentant to my husband and said, “I’m so sorry! How could you put up with me for so long? Why didn’t you ever say anything?” His reply? “Because I love you.”Because I love you
He loved me so much that he willingly sacrificed to help build me up to a point where I was able to function again both mentally and emotionally, which caused me to be able to function spiritually. This is also how God is. God loves us so much that He willingly sacrificed His only Son so that we could have life, and have such a life more abundantly than we could imagine! If we will only trust Him.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. ~John 10:10
My husband loved me enough to help me. God loves me enough to help me. God loves you enough to help you, too! He loves you, plain and simple. He loves you right where you are. In the middle of your troubles, in the middle of your mess, God loves you. He also loves you too much to leave you that way. That’s why He has made a way out for you. And once you are out, you are FREE! The enemy will try to tell you that you have slipped back in, but don’t believe him because he is a liar! Once you are free, you are “free indeed!” So stay that way!
Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. ~John 8:36
Don’t waste another minute of your time wallowing in the mess you’re in. Go to God and let Him get you out. Let Jesus free you of whatever state you’re in. He doesn’t want you to stay that way at all. He wants to help you, to heal you, to make you better than you’ve ever been before. You can ask Him why, but I’ll bet He’ll look at you and say:
Because I love you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
QUITE WRITING ABOUT ME!! I love you and this post so much! And that picture of you and your sweetheart. Awesome. Who took it? You rock, Shelley Wilburn! (BTW, I deleted the above comment because of misspelling. Can't have that!)
Gee whiz, I did it again! QUIT not QUITE my fingers are not the boss of me! LOL
Oh, Karla! You crack me UP! LoL! Thank you for those lovely words…even if they are misspelled! That picture was taken five years ago when we were on a cruise for our 25th anniversary. It's my favorite, too.